Clueless in Miami

    Hi Everyone…Adding to the file of “You simply can’t make this %#&@ up”…A seller of mine in N Miami (A referral from a very good previous client) insisted on listing her 35-year-old home for nearly $35,000 over what I projected its value at.  The listing is (or appears to be) the gem of the street.  The neighbors on either side, if you can see past the knee-high weeds and multiple cars on blocks in the front yards, are a true eyesore.’

    The listing has been in my inventory for nearly 5 months and we’ve had surprisingly good traffic!  We’ve have no less than 4 offers and each one was at or under my estimate of value.  (That’s always a feel good moment but never helps a seller who is…Dug in)  All offers to date have been cash buyers, a fact that seemed to be of no real consequence until recently.  My seller would respond to any/all offers the same way…$225,000!  Regardless of the quality or content of the offers it was always a quick, get me off the phone, “$225,000 Jeff”

    Enter a woman…Let’s call her Mabel.  She makes an offer of, guess what…The same as the 4 others.  Just like to the others my seller barks out…”$225,000″ and slap me on my bum and call me silly, the buyer agrees!!  Are you kidding me!?  Cash, as-is and $225,000!  After a week wearing a neck brace from the pain of snapping around in disbelief we move towards inspections…Since there will be no appraisal to worry over that’s about all we have to do…Right!??

    The agent for the buyer indicates from the inspection that only 2 things seem to trouble the buyer…A opening in the siding near the roof peak (I dub this a rodent hole) and the fact that the washing machine is being drained into the lake behind the house.  (Yes, I said that…I also said N Miami if you were paying attention)  If we address these 2 items, all will be good…BUT WAIT!  We still havent seen the FULL report!

    Yesterday I was supplied the report and well!  Let’s see…The existing roof was installed (no permits) ON TOP OF the old roof, rotten wood and all.  The windows and doors throughout were installed with no permits (same with the garage conversion into the 4th bedroom)  The AC system is in need of replacement and the duct work in most of the house is non existent…The system simply blows cold air into the attic (and out the rodent hole) and that air eventually makes it to the house below…The electrical system is so “rigged” I actually fear for my sellers life.  The pool is leaking (into the lake) The washing machine I already mentioned and the slab the home sits on is cracking…Yikes!  (Interestingly enough, 2 things…My seller is totally surprised at all of this and to look at it…The home doesn’t show any outward signs of any of this)

    Now, I present the estimated $60,000 repair report to my seller…The buyer has the ability to back out of the deal still but offers to proceed!!!  IF the seller lowers her sales price by only $15,000!!  Yes!!  $15,000 buys my seller out of $60,000 in repairs!!  My seller has plenty of equity and can afford to do this.  She simply HAS to be aware of all the maintenance items discussed above, right?  She lives there and has for nearly 30 years!  15 for 60!  Every day and twice on Sundays!  Take the deal I implore!  What does she say?  What’s the response to such a great offer from a buyer who for whatever reason REALLY wants this house?  Everyone together now…..”$225,000 Jeff, $225,000″

    I am asked to fax the report to my seller so her lawyer (you don’t have a lawyer for crying out loud!  You have 3 children who live in other states that must surely no a hell of a lot more than I do) can review it…So I stand by, watching a great deal vaporize with the sky writers at North Perry Airport on stand-by, ready to fly over and leave a message to my seller…Don’t call me, I’ll call you!

    Those who know me, know I don’t worry about money…Thank God I don’t have to.  I do this because it’s a career that allows me freedom and time to do what I love…I care about my sellers more than they can imagine.  When I see mistakes being made I try to fix them.  When people need a gentle nudge I usually push hard…But some people, I can’t help.  Not for lack of trying however.  Please Mrs. Seller, at least fix the electrical issues before the home catches fire and good luck.

    -Jeff

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    One Response to “Clueless in Miami”

    • Anna Lopez

      Written on

      Very entertaining and eye opening tale of how stubborn and ignorant of how some people are. Remember the ‘coffee table book’ on Seinfeld? Hmmmm, maybe that could be a project for you to start.

      Reply

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